Sitting this morning with no bell, or Jiki or Sangha...Just me. I shifted my legs and felt guilty...why am I feeling guilty and who is really feeling this way? I melted back into my zazen...the candle is flickering along with each thought crossing the screen of my mind. Just like a grainy scratched up film playing on an old rusty projector. My thoughts jumped around like a marionette with a couple of frayed strings. I settle into zazen. The projector begins to slow showing more of the space between my thoughts. What is there? My leg starts to hurt and I notice other leg is falling asleep along with my hand. Dripping zazen. the film is now playing as if the perforations are broken at random intervals: A glitch...a stop...pause...stillness revealed. My back is beginning to hurt and both legs are numb and my breath is deep and slow. Zazen. A bead of sweat rolls down my cheek...or is it a tear? Nothing more than a mountains rolling mist.
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