I have had quite and exciting and full life! It has been a mixture of positive, negative and neutral energies through out all of it. I have been to visit other states and countries. I have gotten to know and understand other cultures. I have comforted people as well as harmed people too. I have kicked some ass and have had my ass kicked as well. I have had some nice places to live in and at times I have been homeless (albeit shortly). Nope...my life has been one huge flowing ever changing river of love, hate, despair, joy, happiness, sadness, life and death. I have two beautiful little girls...well one is a teenager now but she will always be that little girl to me. I have a faith that is flourishing and blossoming daily and I have my health...for which I cannot express gratitude enough for!
The one thing I do not have is an ability nor the power to make you...or anybody else happy. That is not with in my capabilities. Nor is it my job. I don't want that power or responsibility. You are responsible for your own happiness and to think that you can find it in another person whether that person is your child, lover, friend, god or whatever...you will NEVER be happy. Nope...the only way to find it is to look in the mirror and see the only person responsible for it...staring right back at you. You cannot blame anyone other than that person staring back from the mirror for your current state of mind. Not me...not your parents...not your ex! Not anyone or anything! Nope...just you.
It took me a long time to realize that. I am so glad I don't have to put my happiness in the hands of another today. You do not have the power to make me feel poorly of myself, angry or sad. That is FREEING and liberating to say the least! No more blame...no more drama! Acceptance of how I live and do things is the key to my happiness and I know one thing: I will still fuck shit up! I am good at that, hell...I am a PRO at it, but I know that as long as I do things with a good heart and good positive motives...those events when I fuck things up will become less and further apart from one another. As long as an attempt is made at living better...things will get better. But...it takes time.
This is the best I have ever been in my life! I am still a mess...still perfectly imperfect with a ton of work to do on myself. If you want to stick around for the ride (it will be bumpy at times), please join me. But remember...I am not responsible for your happiness, you are. Oh...and by the way...this ride I am on...I am not driving anymore! So some of the bumps are unavoidable.
