Rolling Mist

Sitting this morning with no bell, or Jiki or Sangha...Just me. I shifted my legs and felt guilty...why am I feeling guilty and who is really feeling this way? I melted back into my zazen...the candle is flickering along with each thought crossing the screen of my mind. Just like a grainy scratched up film playing on an old rusty projector. My thoughts jumped around like a marionette with a couple of frayed strings. I settle into zazen. The projector begins to slow showing more of the space between my thoughts. What is there? My leg starts to hurt and I notice other leg is falling asleep along with my hand. Dripping zazen. the film is now playing as if the perforations are broken at random intervals: A glitch...a stop...pause...stillness revealed. My back is beginning to hurt and both legs are numb and my breath is deep and slow. Zazen. A bead of sweat rolls down my cheek...or is it a tear? Nothing more than a mountains rolling mist.

Engaging In Nothing

Just a moment from my weekend in support of the AA retreat at Dai Bosatsu Zendo:

I lifted the toaster to find a large pile of squirming maggots. My first thought which was done and gone in a millionth of a second was "Effing GROSS!" However, before that thought was even gone completely out of my head... action had begun...I handed the toaster to young Patrick, "Get this outside." and then I had a rag, plastic baggie and was scooping them into the bag. I do believe I recited "Om ka ka bisam maei sowaka" the invocation of Jizo-Bosatsu at this time, but am unsure as I was  thoroughly engaged in trying to clean this up so that our guests did not have to see this. As I was wiping, one of the participants from the meeting came up behind me and inquired..."What ya dooo...." She gasped and covered her mouth at the sight of the pile of squirming maggots. She managed not to scream (which was appreciated) keeping this small event discreet...calling no attention, which was good for there were 35+ people in the house. She moved along and I finished cleaning the area. When finished...it was as if nothing was ever there...or happened there. Clean, quiet and wonderfully boring. As if nothing had ever occurred there. Indeed...nothing has never occurred there and nothing will occur there again. Just like Pine needles falling to the ground or leaves blowing in the wind. There and gone, blown into the bustling world of nothingness.

OK...back to engaging in nothing at work.